Golf

“You heard me say it, right?”

“I mean, yeah, I think so.”

“Dude, I always say it.”

“I don’t know if you always say it. But, you, you usually say it, yeah.”

“I absolutely said it this time.”

“I honestly can’t remember if you did or not.”

“C’mon, man. That might not be good enough. What if you have to testify or some shit?”

“Testify??”

“Like in the worst-case-scenario, you know? You say that I said it and then it’s an unfortunate accident.”

“Under oath and everything? You think I’ll have to swear on the Bible?”

“Dude, you’re agnostic!”

“I know, but still. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Lying under oath.”

“Look. I said it. I said, “FOUR!” and then I hit the ball. I didn’t know dude was down there and even if I did, that’s on him, man. After I said, “FOUR!” and I definitely did, it’s on that motherfucker to get out of the way.”

“How bad do you think it is?”

“Well, he ain’t moving. But we’ll have to walk over there to see.”

“Which balls were you using?”

“What? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Were you using those practice balls? The ones that weigh more?”

“…yeah. But still, that shouldn’t matter.”

“Aren’t they illegal?”

“In tournaments, dude! In tournaments. Not to just use on the golf course for practice. They’re practice balls!”

“We should probably walk over there.”

“Yeah, it’ll look bad if we don’t.”

“Oh, no. No, no, no. You know who that is, don’t you.”

“Yeah, I see who it is.”

“Didn’t he.”

“Yeah, he did.”

“He’s the one you saw with your wife and–“

“Dude. I know who he is, ok.”

“This looks bad.”

“Look at me, dude. Right here. Look at me, man.”

“This is bad.”

“Look at me, man. I said, “FOUR!” ok. I said it, you heard it, and we didn’t know who that was when I swung.”

“This isn’t good.”

“It was an accident!”

“I can’t go to jail. I can’t. Whoa, dude. What are you doing with that club?”

“FOUR!”