Coup

Outside

It was a strange sight to see. Almost surreal. The day itself was fine, almost perfect. A balmy 62 degrees with the sun lazily inching towards the horizon, slower than usual it seemed, as if it too wanted to see how this would all play out.

The weird part of it all was where it was taking place and the particular participants involved. In fact, before the whole ordeal was over, there would be six accidents from motorists rubbernecking in disbelief.

SWAT vans in the parking lot and in the after school pick-up line. Snipers trying to awkwardly steady themselves on the monkey bars, preparing for the worst-case-scenario. Officers in full riot gear, semi-circled around the entrance. Higher ranking officials pacing nervously behind them.

“Are we really doing this?” Captain Davies asked. “I mean, are we seriously considering this?”

“I think we might have to,” Lt. McConnell said. “The rules of engagement might dictate it.”

“Breaching?”

“Breaching.”

“Into a fucking middle school cafeteria?”

“I think we might have to.”

———————————————————————

Inside

The atmosphere in the cafeteria was somewhat calm, considering the circumstances outside. Sure, visually it was a mess. Chili dogs had been the lunch special. And every last bit of what had been served, prepped, and still-frozen was splattered on the floors, walls, small bits stuck to small sections of the ceiling.

Mrs. Williams and Mrs. Jenkins sat on the floor leaning against the serving line, hands tied behind their backs with makeshift hairnet-handcuffs.

“What in the fuck are we going to do?” asked Jeff Linely, pacing frantically as if to demonstrate that he obviously wasn’t in charge of the situation. “What in the ever-loving fuck are we going to do?”

“Just let me think!” Sam Kinson said. “I just need to think.”

Lacy Mathis and Karl Sandler huddled under one of the cafeteria tables. Considerably younger than Jeff and Sam, they were confused as to just how exactly they found themselves in this position. It was only Tuesday. They were both missing drama club, though they were sure it had probably been canceled. All things considered.

“This was a stupid idea,” Jeff said. “Just stupid. How in the ever-loving-fuck did you talk me in to this, Sam? How?”

“Talk you—talk you in to it? It was your idea, fuckface. Diversity of choice. Inclusion. What about the poor peanut allergy kids, you said. What about poor gluten-intolerant Lacy, you said. Talk you into. Fuck off, Jeff. Just fuck right off.”

“I didn’t mean this! I was just trying to look out for those that can’t look out for themselves. Lacy won’t speak up! Somebody has to. But I didn’t mean this!”

Lacy poked her head out and yelled, “My mom packs my lunch!”

———————————————————————

Outside

At this point, the snipers were well into the third round of a fierce bracket-based competition of chicken on the monkey bars. The officers outfitted in riot gear were swiping left and right (mostly right) on Tinder. This included all of the single officers and a few of those in fully committed monogamous relationships too.

“We’re going to have to make a decision,” Captain Davies said. “We can’t just stand here and let this turn into some type of Waco-esque situation.”

“Seriously. Waco?” Lt. McConnell said, rubbing his eyes. “But I see your point, the drama of that statement notwithstanding.”

“So? What’s the call?”

“The ball’s in their court right now.”

“They’re in the cafeteria, sir. Not the gym.”

“Captain.”

“Yes?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

———————————————————————

It wouldn’t take days and nights and the use of psychological torture tactics to end the standoff. They would be no fire. There would be no eventual breach and no casualties on either side. There would be no investigation, no books written about the subject, no documentaries,and no limited series based on the event on any of the many streaming services.

In short, it would not turn into a Waco-esque situation.

It ended peacefully and in such an uneventful manner that is not even worth writing about.

Two things did come out of the whole ordeal though.

1. The school board agreed, quickly and unanimously, to expand the offerings in the cafeteria.

2. Jeff and Sam learned that the food in juvenile detention could use some improvement.